Fan Mail Friday

📬 Letter #10:
Dear Pete, I deep-fried nachos in a hotel room plug-in skillet. It set off the sprinklers. Worth it?
— Soaked but Satisfied

🔥 Pete’s Reply:
Absolutely. You fed the team, baptized the building, and gave the fire department a good story. That’s a holy trinity of fandom.

📬 Letter #11:
Dear Pete, I got a parking lot tattoo that says ‘Go Teamms!’ How bad is the extra ‘m’? Asking for my pride.
— M Is for Mistake

🔥 Pete’s Reply:
Pride? Gone. Dignity? Never had it. But you’ve got spirit, and that’s harder to spell anyway. Add a second extra M and say it stands for maximum mayhem.

📬 Letter #12:
Dear Pete, I built a shrine to our kicker in my yard. The HOA says remove it. I say the spirit of football lives here. Who’s right?
— Field Goal Fanatic

🔥 Pete’s Reply:
You are. The HOA can take their petty bylaws and shove it in the penalty box. That shrine is blessed. Add twinkle lights and a fog machine. Make it weirder.

Got a question? A complaint? A delusion wrapped in glitter?
Send it to Ask Penalty Pete.
He’ll ruin your day. In the best way possible.