🕸️ FAN MAIL FRIDAY: UNLUCKY EDITION 🕸️

Brought to you by poor life choices and a penguin who fears nothing—not even black cats or expired queso.

📬 Letter #6:

Dear Penalty Pete,
I think our team is cursed. Every time I wear my lucky socks, we lose. Every time I don’t wear them, we lose worse.
Is it me?
– Superstitious and Sad in San Marcos

🧨 Pete’s Reply:
Yes. It’s you.
You, and your crusty little fabric demons.
Burn the socks. Salt the ashes. Chant a ritual. Maybe sacrifice a foam finger.
If that doesn’t work, switch teams. Or burn yourself at the stake.
The sports gods are petty, friend.
—Pete

📬 Letter #7:

Dear Pete,
My ex showed up at the game with my jersey on. He’s trying to win me back. Advice?
– Not Falling for Fakes (Probably)

🧨 Pete’s Reply:
You know what jerseys are? Sacred.
You know what exes are? Expired milk in a handsome carton.
He’s wearing your jersey? Bold. Return the energy.
Show up in his rival’s jersey. In heels. With someone hotter.
And when the camera pans to you? Blow a kiss.
Not for him. For the scoreboard.
—Pete

📬 Letter #8:

Dear Penalty Pete,
I tried to summon team spirit with a homemade chant. Now my neighbors think I joined a cult.
Should I be concerned?
– Chanted Too Hard in Channelview

🧨 Pete’s Reply:
Depends.
Do your windows bleed during away games?
Does your mascot appear in your dreams holding a flaming baton and whispering, “Vengeance”?
No? You’re fine.
Yes?
Welcome to the club.
We meet Thursdays. Bring snacks.
—Pete

🕯️ This Friday the 13th, don’t walk under ladders. Don’t say “shutout” in the third period. And for the love of mascots, don’t email Pete unless you’re emotionally prepared to be roasted like a stadium hot dog.

đź§· Submit your letters to Ask Penalty Pete
He sees all. Judges more.

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