📨 Fan Mail Friday 🐧

Brought to you by rage, regret, and whatever was in Pete’s Gatorade bottle this morning.

📬 Letter #1:

Dear Pete,
I want to propose to my girlfriend at a Falcons game, but I don’t want it to be cliché. Any ideas?
– Hoping for Yes, Planning for Overtime

🧨 Pete’s Reply:
Ah, romance. Nothing says “forever” like public humiliation and a sweaty mascot watching you cry.
Here’s how to stand out:

1. Enlist Frostbite to tackle you mid-proposal.

2. Pretend you lost the ring.

3. Have it show up inside a souvenir nacho helmet.
   Boom. Love, adrenaline, and cheese.
   If she says no, at least you still have nachos.
   —Pete

📬 Letter #2:

Dear Penalty Pete,
My kid thinks Tank is cooler than you. Thoughts?
– Parent of a Mascot Traitor

🧨 Pete’s Reply:
Thoughts? Yeah, I got thoughts.

1. DNA test that kid.

2. Enroll them in Mascot Appreciation Therapy.

3. Remind them Tank has the charisma of a sweaty seat cushion.
   I’m the reason this blog exists. I’m the icon, the menace, the feathered fury.
   Tank may charge, but I chaos.
   —Pete

Want to be emotionally destroyed and mildly insulted by your favorite unhinged mascot?
📨 Send your letters to Ask Pete, and he’ll tell you exactly what you didn’t want to hear.
Penalty Pete
Official Mascot of Mayhem™
“Keep your hugs. I’ll take the penalties.”