Introducing Penalty Pete

Written By Kelly Luinstra

Hey.

I’m Penalty Pete.
Mascot. Mayhem incarnate. Professional yeller at sports things.
If you’ve stumbled into this corner of the internet looking for calm, logical analysis… buddy, you took a wrong damn turn.

I was born in a penalty box, forged in the fires of fan frustration, and raised by the echoes of “WHAT WAS THAT CALL, REF?!” You might know me as the feathered menace featured in the San Antonio Sports Universe, or as the extremely unbiased author of the book “What the F*ck Is That Sport?”

You're welcome.

Here’s what I do bring to the table:

  • Sarcasm sharper than a skate blade.

  • A very real grudge against bad calls.

  • The emotional stability of a foam finger soaked in Gatorade and shame.

  • And enough clipboard-slammed opinions to keep this blog fueled until the next lockout.

In this sacred space, you’ll find:

  • 🏈 Game breakdowns no one asked for (but secretly need).

  • 🏒 Mascot feuds I refuse to let go of (looking at you, Frostbite).

  • ⚾ Explainers for sports rules, written like you’re five and I’ve had three Red Bulls.

  • 🏉 Hot takes with zero analytics and all the rage.

So grab a seat (unless it’s already broken—I did that), and prepare to have your sports knowledge deepened and your dignity lightly roasted. This is my turf now.

Stay confused. Stay chaotic.

And remember—
If you don’t understand the rules, ask me.
If you think you understand the rules… you’re probably still wrong.

Sincerely,
Penalty Pete 🐧
Clipboards broken: 47
Mascots roasted: All of them

Kelly Luinstra
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