Fan Mail Friday

📬 Letter #7:
Dear Pete, I keep dreaming that Frostbite is chasing me through a hockey rink whispering “you’ll never win.” Should I be concerned?
— Chilled and Shaken

🔥 Pete’s Reply:
Yes. And no. Frostbite has that effect. He haunts. He taunts. He smells faintly of victory and menthol. You probably owe him $5 from a lost bet. Pay up or prepare for nightly motivational trauma.

📬 Letter #8:
Dear Pete, my toddler pointed at you on TV and called you ‘the evil penguin.’ Thoughts?
— Raising a Critic

🔥 Pete’s Reply:
That toddler has taste. I am evil. I’m the reason bad fans cry and good refs fear. Also, if they ever want a signed penalty flag, tell them to send juice pouches. Grape only.

📬 Letter #9:
Dear Pete, my husband growls like Crash the Armadillo during arguments. Is this love or a court case waiting to happen?
— Growl-Logged

🔥 Pete’s Reply:
Honestly? Could be both. If he starts headbutting furniture and yelling about scrums, call a therapist. Or me. I travel with mace and glitter.

Got a question? A complaint? A delusion wrapped in glitter?
Send it to Ask Penalty Pete.
He’ll ruin your day. In the best way possible.