Crash the Armadillo: Hug First, Ask Questions Never

Written By Kelly Luinstra

You haven’t lived until you’ve seen a fully padded armadillo body-roll through a scrum, hug-tackle a streaker, and demand snacks from the press box.

Crash the Armadillo is rugby chaos in a helmet. He was never officially hired. He just showed up with snacks, vibes, and armor. The team said “Sure.” The fans said, “This is perfection.”

Mayhem Highlights:

  • Tackled a fan trying to jump the fence. Got a standing ovation.

  • Beat Scorch in a mascot derby. Never let him forget it.

  • Got stuck in the tuba during band night. Didn’t care.

Relationships:
Drew Callahan lets him fist-bump before every game.
Paige Collins is Crash’s chaos coach.
Beau Macklin taught him to dance. Deniability pending.

Crash is 60% joy, 30% mayhem, and 10% mystery protein bar. He rolls into your heart and your kneecaps with equal enthusiasm. He’s been tackled by security. Twice. He thanked them.

Flag Count: 14
Hugs Delivered (forcefully): 183
Concussions Caused (accidentally?): No comment.

#MascotMayhem #CrashZone #RollingThunder

Kelly Luinstra
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