📬 FAN MAIL FRIDAY – PETE UNFILTERED (AGAIN)

Subtitle: By this point, if you're still writing him… that’s on you.

📬 Letter #12:

Dear Penalty Pete,
I wore my team’s jersey to a wedding. It was “game day,” and I thought people would understand. They didn’t. Now I’m uninvited from Thanksgiving.
Did I go too far?
– Benched and Banned

🧨 Pete’s Reply:
You wore a jersey to a wedding?
You are exactly the kind of chaotic energy I endorse.
Thanksgiving is overrated anyway. Just show up to Friendsgiving in face paint and bring your own pie.
Also—bonus points if the jersey was a rivalry team. If not… well, next time.
—Pete

📬 Letter #13:

Dear Pete,
My girlfriend asked me to “tone it down” at our kid’s tee-ball game. I was just encouraging the umpire to open his eyes. Loudly. With a megaphone.
Was I wrong?
– Team Dad, Technically

🧨 Pete’s Reply:
Wrong?
No.
Annoying?
Absolutely.
Here’s the deal: you’re not at Game 7. You’re at Greg’s Discount Sporting Fields behind a Target.
Maybe swap the megaphone for a juice box and a foam finger.
Save the war cries for when the concession stand runs out of nachos.
—Pete

📬 Letter #14:

Dear Penalty Pete,
My friends won’t tailgate with me anymore because I made a laminated checklist. They said it was “too much.”
I said they were “too unprepared.”
Who’s right?
– Overachieving in Section C

🧨 Pete’s Reply:
You’re right.
And also deeply unhinged. But I respect it.
There’s a fine line between “organized” and “terrifying,” and you walked it with color-coded tabs.
Frame that checklist. Use it to weed out weak friends.
Only the strong deserve your tailgate rotisserie chicken and emergency ponchos.
—Pete

Want to be mildly judged and weirdly validated by a penguin in crisis?
📬 Submit your question to Ask Penalty Pete
He’s like Dear Abby… if she had rage issues and a whistle.