Meet Penalty Pete: Your Sports Translator, Trash Talker, and Certified Chaos Penguin
You ever watch a sport and think, What the hell just happened?
Yeah. Penalty Pete did too. Then he screamed into a void, broke a clipboard, and decided to do something about it.
Born in the depths of the penalty box and raised on sarcasm and spite, Penalty Pete is the official mascot of the San Antonio Sports Universe Series Bible, the unofficial mascot of common sense, and now… a blog contributor.
He’s here to explain sports like:
Why hockey fights are technically illegal but spiritually encouraged
What a rugby scrum actually is (spoiler: human meat blender)
How baseball works when the only bases you’ve ever run involve awkward flirting
And why football penalties sound like they were written by someone high on Gatorade and vengeance
His mission:
Break down the sports chaos in terms even your cat could understand.
His mood:
Perpetually enraged with just enough heart to make you care.
Follow Pete’s posts for explosive rants, WTF breakdowns, mascot feuds, and the kind of “helpful” sports knowledge you didn’t know you needed until now.
Coming Soon:
“Why Is Everyone Punching Each Other and No One’s Mad About It?”
“Mascot Battle Royale: Which Team’s Furry Monster Could Kill the Others?”
“Penalty Flags, Red Cards, and Sin Bins: A Color-Coded Guide to Shame”
